No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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