We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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