Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
