This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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