I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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