Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
