I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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