I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
