Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
