I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
