I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
