i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
