she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
