Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am one with the molecules
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
