Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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