he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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