I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
