She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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