Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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