Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
