why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
