You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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