So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
