dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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