brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why didn't you poke me back
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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