so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
