She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
