If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize