i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
