gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
