moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
