She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Life is so much better after having sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
