so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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