You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize