Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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