4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
