Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
