It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
