Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
