who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
