My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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