I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
