I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
