He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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