Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
