Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
