her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
