White coat. Heels.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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