Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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