I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
