Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
