It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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