I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
