sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
