Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
