i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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