Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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