i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize