Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
