I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
