2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize