shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She's the barista slut.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
