she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
