so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize