u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
