I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize