is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
