Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have tasted many bathrooms
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up under a house in Key West
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize