watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
