you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
