I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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