; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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