youre lurking in front of me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
