Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
