You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
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