That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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