I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
