So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
